Man Plans, and God Laughs: May 28, 2022

In all our lives there is uncertainty. We cannot control the weather, the behaviour of others, natural disasters, mass shootings, or a million other events both big and small. Uncertainty lurks in the corner, that proverbial elephant, even as we continue to live our lives. We buy insurance and wear our seatbelts, and then head off on our adventures.

The experience of MS, and I’m sure of most other chronic illnesses, unmasks the elephant in the room. She takes up more space and demands to be acknowledged, never mind that you have other plans. Holding onto unpredictability without drowning in it has been one of the hardest lessons for me to learn, one that I am still learning. But with time comes the ability to see things with a sense of humour.

All of which is to say that I was wrong in my last post, when I anticipated the next milestone on this journey to be my hospital admission. In fact - it was my mom’s hospital admission. She woke me up early Wednesday with severe epigastric pain that worsened as the morning progressed, until she finally relented and let me call an ambulance. She was diagnosed in the Cleveland Clinic emergency department with acute appendicitis: maybe the best case scenario among the differential diagnoses that my physician brain couldn’t help but consider. And so, I thought it was hilarious. As they say, you can’t make this stuff up.

My mom’s laparoscopic surgery was early Thursday morning, and she was discharged back to our apartment the same evening. She is recovering, and I am well enough right now to help look after her - as well as I’ve been in the past month, and probably as well as I’ll feel over the next two also. I appreciate the opportunity to be a caregiver again, even if only for a few days. And we are still on track for my hospital admission on June 2nd.

I am able to embrace this event for what it is - a funny story to tell, a medical mishap speedily diagnosed and cured - and to be grateful for what it was not. I don’t know if I’ve always been this way, or whether I’ve learned this lesson from MS, or from Covid, or simply from forty five years of life. And I’m not sure the why of it really matters.

There is a Yiddish adage that says: “Mann Tracht, un Gott Lacht,” which translates to “man plans, and God laughs.” To accept that we cannot always command our future is easier if we can laugh, too.